So life fucking suck right now, I can’t go back to school, I can’t find a job that I like so Now I am going to have to go to fast food joints and get one something that I should have Done a long time ago but I just haven’t made my self. Am I lazy… Yes and I hate my self for it every day. Ever since I made the biggest mistake of my life and left school I have hated life, there have been a lot of good times since then but the fact that I am waisting the years when I should be getting a degree is something that I think about every second of every day. The most infuriating part is If I worked hard snuff I could get out of this rut… But I haven’t. It seems like every time I sit down and say alright time to make a change time to work hard and make something of yourself, I don’t or I make some little mistake that compounds and fucks me. It’s no ones fault but my own and I know this but still I don’t change anything, I Am my own worst enemy and I hate that. I like to think I am a musician, but I know that’s not true I can’t write anything I like and honestly I don’t think I have any chance with music. I love it but I don’t have the voice or the looks to stand on my own as an artist. I have no idea what I want to do with my life I have no kind of natural talent that I can fall back on, or build uppon. I hate myself for the fact that I want to die in my sleep everytime I lay down. It’s such a selfish thing and I fucking hate it but still the thought is always there. I look around me and see my friends success’s and I wish I could be like them. Idk what I need to do with life. All my friends are no longer friends with each other that sucks but what can I do it’s none of my business I am gonna try again for the millionth time to make my life better, I will get a job I know I will hate but I need the money. Maybe I can get back in school someday, i hope so, I hate to bitch like this I have no right to my life is awesome compared to some people and I am incredibly blessed. My family loves and supports me I can’t ask for more than that and honestly I don’t deserve what they give me. I would love to find a women but I have nothing to offer someone, I am a fat jobless lazy bastard who has managed to fuck up his life thus far and hasn’t done jack to fix it. I will get a job any job soon maybe after that first step life will get better, I hope so
So I’m 20, I’m not in school, I don’t have a job. Everyone tells me that want to see me do something with my life. Fuck that I’m living how I want to live I have spent the better part of my life trying to become “someone” is It to much to ask to be allowed to take things at my own pace and enjoy life? Some say I’m going nowhere, well I’m not I just don’t like to share my grand idea with anyone. why? Because I don’t fully understand it that’s why. Everyone wants some thing more in life why won’t they just let me enjoy my less. Right now I’m stuck in a bad way so how do I cope with the stress angxiety and self loathing? Easy I sleep Sleep is the one place where I can think for a long ass time uninterupteed and fully play out all the scinarios in my mind. Sleep is one of the few things in life I realy enjoy. Part of growing up is making your own choices and standing by them right? Well that’s what I’m doing You disagree That’s nice you can explain to me calmly and rationaly why you feel the way you do. Maybe I will take it into consideration. If I don’t get all angry and take offense at it It’s my life Fuck
